My pitas page

Thursday, November 21, 2002
Life is such a pain in the ass these days... Trying to juggle, work, school, family, friends, and volunteer work. How can anyone do it and keep their sanity? Life is great, but not in all aspects. As soon as one thing is under control and going well, the other areas get all fucked up. I feel like I'm contently keeping everything bottled up in side. My family doesn't like some of the choices that I make, and boy do they voice their opinions! After a while I just wnat to tell them that I've succeeded in almost all areas of my life, so why the hell do they think that they have the right to tell me how to run my life? Some days parents and older siblings just have to realize that yeah the baby of the family does grow up. I love my family, don't get me wrong, but at times they can be a real pain... So life other than the family, school I love, the dorms I hate! I wanted to move out this next semester, but that Idea was shot to hell. (again the family trying to dictate my every move). I'm kind of excited for the breaks coming up soon, that's because I'll be here. For thanksgiving I'm only going home for two days. Christmas break I'll be home for four. The rest of the time I'll be here living my own life and working my butt off at my new job. What I find to be so funny is the fact that over thanksgiving break, I'll be spending two days at SCSU, visiting all my friends...Now I'm excited for that! So much is going on right now with me it's hard to write about it all, I really don't want to bore all of you. So i'm going to sign off now. The quote of the day...The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~Martin Luther King Jr.~

Tuesday November 19, 2002
This past weekend was fun, I went to chucky cheese yesturday for the first time. A big group of us went for a friends 21 birthday, we all regressed into our childhoods. It was great. life is going pretty good these days. I'm excited for the new semester and starting my new job.(I start tonight!) I'm extemely tiered today, I stayed up till 3 am working on homework. Homework that I procrastinated on all weekend! This week is going to be really long...I have so much to do. But that's fine, I'm sure i'll get everything done in it's own time. Oh for all you football fans...Did you catch the viking vs. Packer game this weekend? I sure did, And I'll tell you I can't believe that those Vikings won... I was so pissed. As you can probably already guess, I'm a Packer fan all the way. The funny thing is, my ex-boyfriend Robert was a vikings fan so we placed a friendly little wager on the game. Terms were whoevers team loses, that person has to make dinner for the other one. Well now I have to cook...I was hoping for a free home cooked meal. How crappy is that. Well I have to head to class now, so i'll stop my bitching. Saying of the day...Life is not what you expect, it's what you don't expect that makes life worth living. ~Lauren Cairns~

Thursday, November 14, 2002
I love life today!!! I scored a 70/80 on my trig test, improved my score by 10 points. I got hired at the job I applied for and I'm just feeling great. The other day a good friend of mine called me and I haven't talked to him in a vary long time. We talked for hours and he asked me why I have been so sad and stressed lately and I didn't know how to answer, he also asked me some tough questions pertaining to our past relationship... He really got me thinking and I sat down last night and decided to write to him and answer what I could. I couldn't believe what I read after I was finished writing, I had answered his questions and realized what was making me so sad lately. It's anazing how just writing can help release feelings you don't know how to express. Here is a bit of our conversations, so you can get the gist of what is going on...To give you a quick history of us, we dated for six months and planned on getting married, but something went wrong and I broke up with him, we stayed in touch over the past year and recently he has been dating a girl by the name of jesse and she just hates me...She told scott that if he talked to me that they would be over.(can we say BITCH) So anyways he choose to do as she said and he told me he could no longer speak to me. I was so hurt. First is the letter he sent me and then my response. I'll worn you it gets a little long... (Jenn,) I first of all want to say im sorry for what i had to do. I still think about u and care about U. Something has been bothering me and i want to ask you. Please tell me your honest truth. I am still dating Jesse, things are getting better. But I want to know your feelings for me again and if u feel like u would like to date me again. I don't want you to lead me on at all. I just got confused when u cried to me. And obviously there are some feelings there. I guess i never got the direct answer i was looking for. I know u care about me. Alot of times when jesse and i ague i think about u and that we didn't do any of that. Another thing was with both of us being Catholic i think helped with our morals and values and we just understood each other better. Jesse is Luthern and i dont care for it. I want you to know that i am very sorry to have to do this. Its very hard. I hope you don't think im a jerk. I don't know if jesse is right for me, only time will tell. I would like it if you would respond to me jenn. Looking forward from hearing from you. Always, Scott... (Scott,) This letter may get a little lengthy in trying to answer all your questions to the fullest. I have to admit that I'm sorry for what you Choose to do, I don't think it's what you had to do, I don't believe that you should have been asked to do it, but that is not my business. I'm flattered that you still think about me and care about me, I can guarantee you that the feeling is mutual. I promise you that everything I type in this letter is nothing but the honest truth, and because of that I must apologize a head of time, for some of my opinions that I may voice. I am happy for you, that you and Jesse are working out, I just want to see you happy. I just hope that you are truly happy with her. To answer your Big question, I'm sorry if i confused you, those were not my intentions. I do still have feelings for you, but I don't know if dating again would be a good idea, not saying that I haven't thought about it though. The reasons that I believe that dating again would not be a good idea is because you deserve better than me, plan and simple. Scott, you are a great guy and you deserve the absolute best, and I don't think I fall into that classification. In the last year and a half since we broke up, I have changed a lot. Some of my action or changes I'm not proud of and I have a feeling that if you were to hear my life since you, you would reconsider ever dating me again. I can live with what the world has thrown me, I'm stronger now than I have been in a while. Things are finally looking up and my spirits are high. But I just think that you deserve better than what I can give you. I love life now more than ever, And God is the center of that. I lost sight of the most important thing in my life, God! Since I have attended NDSU, my life has changed for the better, I have found what i have been lacking in my life that past year. For the longest time I have gotten so used to having a guy in my life, but i have discovered lately that that is not what I need right now, I have to know who I am before I expect someone else to know who I am. And Lately I am just beginning to uncover the real me, Every day when i accomplish a new task or discover one more thing about myself, I rejoice and thank the lord that for what he has given me. The sight to see thing as they are, I'm no longer blinded. I'm sorry if this doesn't answer your question. I'm trying. When I talked to you that night, i cried. I cried because you helped me see what i have done, I pushed you away, i gave up a good thing. But I know now that it was the best thing i could do at the time. I believe it was in gods plan for us to meet, but unfortunately it wasn't the right time. Our breakup was in a way a good thing, We both grew afterwards, we grew up, granted we could have grown up being together but that's not how things turned out. And i'm sorry that they didn't turn out that way. I'm sorry that you and jesse argue, sometimes it's healthy to though, it means your communicating. With the whole issue of your religion vs hers, I guess i can see how that would be a factor. I was born and raised catholic, but I also find it helpful to be at least a little knowledgeable in other regions as well, it helps me understand other peoples views better. I don't know if you remember or not, but i also practice the methodist faith, I know that there are differences between the two, but I feel as long as you are a practicing christian, all is well. But with that practicing doesn't qualify as "I believe, I go to Church", it's more than that it is living everyday of your life for god, doing as god would want, as the bible states. I've recently discovered this again also, I seemed to have "forgotten". Scott I don't think you are a jerk, i was hurt that you would let someone tell you who you can and cannot talk to, but I also realize why she did it. She knows she has a good thing and she was afraid someone (me) would take it away from her. You do crazy things sometimes when your in love. I hope that this clarified some things for you, but if it didn't feel free to write back and ask more questions, I'll do my best to answer to my best ability. I wish you both the best, and here are some saying that help me "live". Paint a portrait of life to be proud of, that could not be sold for all the money on the earth. Hang that portrait in your mind and understand its ever presence. Reflect on every brush stroke that makes all the mountains and valleys and rivers and skies the most beautiful in the land. Share your portrait with others but beware their brushes. Select only those whose brush will add to the beauty and structure of your master piece. ~Chris Ensor~ If God brings you in it, he will bring you through it.

Tuesday, November 12, 2002
Well I have to admit life is really starting to look up these days, this weekend was awesome. Relaxation all weekend, I think the most stressful thing I did all weekend was having to decide what I wanted for desert on my DATE!! Over the weekned I got together with the Love o my life, Nate. Nate and I dated through out high school and off and on last year. For some reason though we were just not ment to be together in the past. Well anyways this past weekend we talked and he asked if I wanted to go out with him on Sunday, I accepted of course. He picked me up at 9 pm and we decided to go have a few drinks at the bar, then go to a movie. We decided to go see The ring, if you haven't seen the movie I suggest you go see it, I thought that it was really good. After the movie we went out for desert, I think we spent more time talking and laughing during this one night than we have in the longest time. Spending the night together really made me realize how much I miss him an how much we have both changed in the past year. But I'm assured that if we are ment to be together, it will work out in the future. Oh yeah the job search is doing really good, I have my second interview today...I'm so excited hopefully I get the job. That would be so awesome, it would make a great day even greater. I hope that trig class doesn't put a damper on my day, I find out my test scores today! Anyways...remember, Don't cry cause it's over, smile because it happened.

Thursday, November 7, 2002
So it's nearing the end of the First semester and well i'm broke...Just what I need right now. So I'm going to go out and find myslf a job. Yeah this is going to be so much fun trying to juggle 18 credits, a job, volunteer work, and fun. Well it might just prove to be exactally what I need. I'm the sort of person, that if I have a lot to accomplish, or a pretty steady schedual I tend to get a lot more accomplished. Hopefully that is the case here. So not much else has been to interesting lately, some shit just a different day. Robert and I have been talking quite a bit lately, I really miss him. I know that everything happens for a reason, I just hope that someday I figure out why everything is going the way they have been...I have another trig test tonight, and I have been studying realy hard, so I hope that I improve my test scores, I really need to do good on this test. I'm planning on going home yet again this weekend, nut I have no plans other than to relax...That five letter work, just brings so much peace to my mind. Saying of the day...Maybe god wants us to meet a few wrong ones, so we can be greatful when the right one comes along.

Tuesday, November 5, 2002
Working on homework sucks...Just taking a quick break, from completeing my paper for english. I have really learned more than I expected to learn from this project. When I first choose to do this project I never thought that there were so many colleges that offered programs for a master in Architecture. It took a lot of time and effort in researching the schools, a lot more than I had expected. I did narrow my choices down to my final five colleges. These colleges were the university of Arizona, University of North Carolina, University of Hawaii, University of Minnesota, university of Michigan. Out of all these schools my first pick would be University of Arizona, I just love it down there. I'm really excited because this summer I'm probably going to Arizona to visit the college. So i'm really pumped for that. Saying of the day...To the world you may be one person, but to oneperson you may be the world.

Friday, November 1, 2002
Wow, my head hurts...Last night was so much fun, it was just what I needed. I ended up going to a holloween party with a big group of my friends. I didn't plan on drinking any, but that soon changed. And well lets say that I remember the whole night and boy did I have a good time. It was a good time, I dressed up like an angel and my other friends were dressed like the devil, and another like a cheerleader. Good times were had by all that night. I can't wait till I get my pictures back, I just love looking at pictures, like the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Well it really applies in this case I'm sure, just wondering what words are going to come out of my mouth when I see those pictures. Saying of the day...Never frown, even when your sad, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Well this weekend was not as bad as I had expected. My mother was actually really understanding about Robert and I breaking up, I didn't have to listen to I told you so's. School is really starting to get to me again. I feel like I'm constanetly trying to catch up in my classes and making no progress. I'm so affraid that I'm not going to succeed...I know I feel the same way as probably half the population of this college, but I hate the feeling. I have an appointment with my adviso this friday to start getting ready for second semester and I know that next semester is going to be even harder, and if I can't survive the first semester how the hell am I going to make it through the second? I just feel like I have so much to do and not enough time...I really hope that things will start to fall into place pretty soon here. Saying of the day...Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them.

Friday, October 25, 2002
So I'm going home today, not too excited about that one. I would be but for some reason I like Fargo so much better. Probably because I don't have to answer to anyone, but myself. I guess there is one reason that I do want to go home this weekend, and that is because I get to see my best friend Jenny and her three month old son Jameson (My god son). I haven't had a chance to see them since school started, I'm always so busy when I go home. Which is weird because usually you think of going home as a small vacation, but not in my case. When I go home I have so much to do, usually I have to work so that will take a day out of my free time. And I spend about eight hours in the car, boaring...So anyways I should get my things together and head out for another weekend of too much to do and not enough time. From now on Look for my daily Quote, todays is...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them, and knowing you can't have them.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002
I can't believe this...I got dumped! Yeah you guessed it I guess things between Robert and I are not going to get any better, he broke up with me monday night at about two am. I knew things were a little rocky, but I didn't think that it would end like this! I hate guys somedays...I feel like I totally got kicked in the face, I spent all weekend fighting with my mother trying to defend my relationship with Robert, and wham! I get dumped the next day. How shitty is that? But not much else you can do, I guess. That is about all that I have to say today, life just seems to suck right now. Some days I just don't understand...A little saying to remember...No man is worth the tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.

Monday, October 21, 2002
So yet again my weekend, did not go as planned! Not at all...Friday was my boyfriends birthday and we didn't even get to spend it together, he went out with the boys and I had to spend the night with my mother. Which was not the greatest time we've had together. I spent most of dinner arrguing with her about my relationship with Robert. It drives me crazy... It gets really hard when none of your family likes the guy you are dating. It really puts a lot of stress on me, trying to maintain both relationships. But whats new my parents never seem to like the guys that I date, until I break up with them! So that was my wonderful weekend. Things between Robert and I aren't getting any better, he seems to have just closed himself off. I have no clue what is going on, but i'm sure that they will get better in time, hopefully.

Friday, October 18, 2002
Well I guess I might have been wrong!! This past week things between my boyfriend and I haven't been going too well, I don't know what is wrong. Today is his birthday and hopefully we'll have a good night together. I really want things to work out between us. Well sorry so short today, but my mom's up for the weekend and she is taking my sister and I out for dinner at Red Lobster. I just love Sea food!

Monday, October 14, 2002
Yeah I though that this weekend was going to be fun, but it turned out to be the weekend from HELL!! Friday night was fun, Robert's friends were really nice, didn't get to hear any good stories about what Robert was like in High school, but I'm sure that there will be more time for those in the future. Anyways, this weekend I spent most of it in the hospital... long story there, won't boar you with the details, but it definetly put a stopper on what I thought was going to be a fun weekend. Anyways...I'm quite tierd and I need my rest, so hopefuly anyone who is reading this had a better weekend then me!

Friday, October 11, 2002
Well the concert was pretty cool, but I think i'll stick to my country concerts, the mosh pits are just not for me!!! Oh and the trig test, yeah I think it kicked my ass. But that's okay, i'll just have to study really hard for the next two.(At least that is what I say now) Well tonight should be fun, my friend is going to have a hottub party! And my boyfriend is going to bring a few of his home town friends, so i'm excited to meet them. Hopefully they like me... Things between me and my boyfriend Robert are going great, he's so wonderful to me. I wonder if he could be the one? What am I talking about I'm too young to get serious.(yeah right!) Anyways... I'm going to grab my swim suit and hit the road, have a wonderful weekend everyone, I know I will...

Wednesday, October 9, 2002
Oh boy...This is going to be an awesome night followed by a shitty day. Tonight Is the Incubus Concert, and I'm going... It's going to be the first concert that i've gone to that wasn't country! The only bad part is, I have a trig test tomorrow and I haven't had much time to study...Watch i'll do worse on this test then the first, my grade won't survive if that happens! But we'll just have to see how thing go. Anyways... I'm off to the mosh pits!

Thursday, October 3, 2002
So winter is finally here... I so hate winter, but only when it is really cold. Cold to the point where you can't stand being out-side for more than ten minutes. I have to admit that I love the days where there is a fresh blanket of snow on the ground and the sun is so bright that it is almost blinding to look outside. It's just so beautiful... I guess winter isn't so bad, but I think that I would like it more if I could ski. I've never been skiing and my doctor says that I never will...(so sad!) I injured my knee reall bad this past year, bad enought that I had a two major surgerys on it to repare all that I had injured.(now that sucked) So now my doctor claims that I will only reinjure it if I were to try to ski. So I think learning to ski is out of the question. The only winter sport, other than the occasionally snowball fight, that I really enjoy is snowmobeling. I love to just hop on a sled and take off for the day, but the only thing is i don't have my own sled, and even if I did it wouldn't be up at school with me. So this winter I'm going to wish for a lot of snowball snow. So you better watch out if you ever run into me... you might get a snowball to the back of the head. (just kidding, I wouldn't do that, unless I knew you!)

Wednesday, September 25, 2002
Wendy's Birthday!! Yesturday my friend wendy turned the big 21!! Her, my sister, and a few of thier friends decided to go to the bar for her power hour. And I get to be sober cab for the night. So when the girls got done at the bar they called me for a ride home. I have to say I have never laughed so hard in the longest time. They were all so drunk! It took me and my boyfriend a half hour to get them all in the car, once we would get three in the car we would have to go find the fourth. When we were out looking for the fourth one of the three would excape from the car. It felt like a never ending task. But I have to say they are some of the funniest drunks I have ever met. I'm laughing as I write this because the night just keeps replaying in my mind. What a great night it was. Remember... If your going to drink, be responsible, Find a sober driver.

Monday, September 23, 2002
I really have to agree with everyone that says that they hate mondays! Have you ever had those days where you wake up and nothing goes right, and you wish that you would have stayed in bed, well that is exactally what I wish I would have done. This weekend was great, but maybe a little too good. I spent most of the weekend Parting with my sister, friends, and my new boyfriend. And well i kind of put off my homework till the last minute and of course stayed up late last night completing what was due today, and guess what? I forget an assignment! I hate that, so now I feel quilty, but I asure you that feeling will pass in the next few hours!(he-he) It's so funny, i'm a total procrastinator and you think that I would learn after a while that procrastnating is bad, but NO I never learn. Anyways...I should hit the books tonight to make sure my tuesday goes a little better than my monday went.

Thursday, September 19, 2002
Well, I guess you can say that i'm not as old fashion as I thought that I was. On monday I decided to call Robert and ask him to go out with a group of my friends and I. I thought that he would have said no, but he said YES!(yeah) And that's not as good as it gets... we went out last night also and we have plans for tonight as well. Wow I learned an important lesson, if you want something don't be affraid to go out there and get it. Honestly what is the worst thing that could happen? Yeah he might have rejected me, but it would have been his loss, right? Well I have to go get ready now, it's amazing how quickly life can change on you! For all of you who are reading this don't be affriad to take a chance, you never know how things might turn out.

Monday, September 16, 2002
School is getting better, I meet new friends all the time. I'm really beginning to like it up here, although I miss my friends from SCSU greatly. NDSU just seems to fit "me" better than SCSU did last year. Don't get me wrong I loved the party life down there, but somedays it just got too much, and my grades started to reflect that! (Opps) This past weekend I traved home, which was not what I wanted. I really wanted to stay here that weekend, but my family wanted to celebrate my birthday and they couldn't do it with out the guest of honor, ME! There was one good reason why I didn't want to go home this past weekend and his name was Robert. Last thursday night, I went to a party with my friend Max, and at that party I met a wonderful guy by the name of Robert. He is just so cute! (I'll worn you now i'm known to be a bit boy crazy!) But anyways we exchanged numbers and all weekend I thought about this guy and hoped that when I got home there would be a message from him. Well when I got home last night there was no message. I was bummed, but I'm not giving up yet! I'm not one to just walk away that easy, but i'm also afraid to call him, cause i'm a little old fassion. Which might be a bad thing in some cases. But anyways... i'm going to go out with my friends now.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002
This day was a day that will replay in my memory forever. I still remember exactally what I was doing that day. I had just woken up and got in the shower to get ready for the day. It was just like any other day, till I turned on the television. I turned it on at the same moment that they were showing the fotage of the first plane stricking the twin towers, I thought to myself what show is this? Then to my horror I realized that it wasn't a show, it was real life. That struck me like a thousands tons. How could anyone ever do such a horrible thing, so many innocent people. Then the next plane struck and I burst out in tears, why was I crying I thought to myself I don't know anyone that works in the towers, but I couldn't help myself, I needed to cry. I watched the news as long as I could till I had to go to class, all anyone talked about on campus that day was the horrible events that happened that day, all night classes were cancelled. Life seemed to go very slow the rest of that week, everyone just moved a little slower. It was a horrible sight one that i hope that i would live all my life without seeing. The weeks following the attacks, things got a little harder for me. I realized I was affected! My good friend and Uncle were both in the military and both were going to be mobilized. I was so affraid that i would loos one or both, but i was fortunate they both made it home safely. To this day I wonder why people do the things that they do, do they ever consider who they might hurt? This occasion will be forever in all of our mind. Let us learn from this travisty. GOD BLESS ALL OF US!

Tuesday,September 5, 2002
School is in full swing now, I'm not too sure if I'm going to survive here! I miss my life, although I think this was probably the best move I could make at the time. I'll let you in on what I mean, this is my second year at college, but first year here at NDSU. Last year I attended SCSU, and I had a great time, partying that is. School came second, which was not a good mentality to have when you want to achieve great things. So I knew things had to change! That's what brought me here, I know that things will be better for me here, but I have always been a people person, and right now it sucks that I had to leave all my friends behind, I know that i'll make new friend through out the year, but I feel like an outsider. I'm not a freshman, but I sure do feel like one. It's just really hard at this point, but i'm going to give it a shot, and i'll keep you posted as to how things turn out.

Free Writing : September 3
In answering the question of "what is not taught in public school systems that should be?" Well, my answer for this question doesn't focus on what is not taught, but what subject teachers are teaching or focusing on too much. I feel that in my years of education up to 12th grade, teachers focused too much on the use of calculators in mathmatics. I didn't really relize this until I started in a college level mathmatics course in my senior year of high school. In that course we were only allowed the use of calculators on homework problems. Calculators were not allowed during any quiz or test. My grades at first deffinetly showed how much I relied on a calculator, but in time I found that I actually learned more with out the crutch of a calculator. I really think that teachers should start earlier on in our education trying to teach us math and not rely on the use of calculators, but rather the use of our own minds to solve a math problem.

Needed: A new literacy : August 29
In Melvin Levinson's article, "Needed: a new lteracy" I found that the article was quite interesting. I really liked his point about, Open the doors and let the senses into the classroom. What really grabbed my attention during this point was when he talked about "seeing is believin." He right when he talks about how today people only believe what they "see". We don't trust our instincts and our sensory perception we rely so much on what we "see" or what artificial devices tell us. I thought that this article was very interesting and very insightful.

"Weblogs: a history and perspective"
In class we were asked to read Rebecca Blood's article "Weblogs: a history and perspective". Before I was asked to read this article I had no real grasp of what a webblog was. Rebecca's article was very informative of how webblogs became so popular. Rebecca stated in her article that, "in 1998 there were just a hand full of sites." Now these weblogs have sprung up everywhere. She also states, "That this rapid growth continued steadily until 1999, and with the introduction of more blogging software, soon became an explosion." I find this interesting how technology is always changing and so many new experiences are waiting around the "super highway" corner. If you are interested in reading this aryicle check out Rebecca's Pocket here.

My Daily Thoughts.
My name is Jenni and I have set up this webblog as a project for my College english course. Just to tell you a little about myself, I'm a second year student at North Dakota State University and majoring in Architecture.